VERY important- PLEASE WATCH

Again, not directed at everyone, but ya'll should know who you are.

MAJOR frustration!!

So as many of ya'll probably know I have been working my ASS off (no pun intended) trying to lose weight. I have been on a strict diet of 1200 calories a day and have a personal trainer who I'm pretty sure is trying to kill me through exercise. By the advice of my trainer and doctor I got rid of my scale (well kind of...I had my sister hide it) so I wouldn't be frustrated and give up. The problem is that my thyroid condition is working so hard against me that despite doing anything and everything to lose weight I have actually GAINED. I know this because I had a doctors appointment today and he assured me that I should not give up and keep doing what I'm doing because it is actually slowing down the weight gain. I feel like if I stopped I would gain like 10 lbs a week. Since I started my diet I have put on 15 lbs...all of which are in my belly (as usual). It's so frustrating. My reason for wanting to lose weight is that my fat is not distributed in a flattering way on my body. There are curvy girls who are large all over and look great. But my belly is so disproportionately large compared to the rest of my body that I just look really awkward. And lately I have been having bad back pain as well. I used to always sleep on my stomach but now it just feels too weird (my belly folds over itself). So basically I'm just venting right now because I'm sure there are people out there who can relate to this. It's so hard working so diligently to lose weight and then finding out you actually have been gaining.Heres a pic I took recently....totally accidentally (I thought I was recording a video)

It's about damn time for a new post

Seriously right? It's been like forever. Anyways, I've gotten a TON of questions lately (many of which are repetitive) so I figured I'd make a Q&A blog. Woohoo. Here goes:

1. Who do you "look up to" in the  BBW world?
 I see many people as inspirations. Cherries obv, because her and I seem to have similar backgrounds pre-gain. Debz (mod on FF) because of her no-bullshit attitude as well as her ability to articulate herself beautifully. And about a hundred others whose names are escaping me at the moment.

2. How do you feel being "famous" on youtube and in the gaining community?
 Shit, I'm famous? Huh, I legit had no idea. I think thats the overstatement of the year.

3. What do you miss about being smaller?
 I miss being able to shop wherever I want and being able to eat anything without gaining a pound. Those were the days....

4. Favorite music?
I'm from Nashville sillies!! I'm a tried and true country girl, but I really like all types of music. My favorite band at the moment is the Red Hot Chili Peppers and U2.

5. Favorite movie?
BOONDOCK SAINTS 1 AND 2. Why did I put that in all caps? Because it was necessary to communicate the awesomness of those films. If you haven't seen them immediatly drop what you are doing and head to your nearest Blockbuster/Red Box.

6. What type of law do you want to practice?
Since I come from a military family, vets have always had a special place in my heart. I eventually want to open my own private practice firm representing veterans who have not recieved sufficient compensation for their service.
 


Part 2 later but now nap time for meeee. Submit any questions you might have and I'll answer them

My sister is a lunatic

So my pregnant sister officially scares the crap out of me. We're sitting downstairs watching the Simpsons and she just burst into tears over some "touching" moment that transpired on TV. It was a commercial for Glade scented candles. Five mins later the show comes back on and she immediatly stops crying and starts laughing histarically. I slowely scooted away from her on the couch and made a mental note to hide all the sharp objects around the house.

It's seriously like watching a movie with a thousand twists. I never know what to expect.

Basically I don't have a damn clue why I'm sharing this with ya'll....I guess I just wanted to leave some evidence of my sisters insanity just in case she decides to kidnap me in my sleep or something.

Bitches be crazy yo.

Lovin LTC!

So for those of you who don't already know, I joined a new site. It's lovethesecurves.com and my username there is TracyAnderson (very original, I know). Thus far I have NOTHING but good things to say about it and thank you thank you thank you to those of you who told me about it. I'm still trying to figure out how to navigate around the site (it's a little more confusing than FF at first), but I love it nonetheless.

I'm OFFICIALLY all moved in to my new place. Some of my friends from TN are coming down to stay with me next weekend so I'm psyched about that. I love my house, it's very different than a condo...much more suburban. If you are familiar with this area at all you know that there is a deer to people ratio of like 80 trillion: 1. My puppy has been amusing herself chasing them all around the damn neighborhood. I literally saw a deer run headfirst into a parked car yesterday. I guess their not the brightest creatures on the planet but they seem pretty friendly.

I've decided to just start ignoring all the hate comments I get. For those of you who doubt me, my weight or my job all I can say is I don't fucking care anymore. I'm done trying to convince people that I'm legit when in all honesty, it doesn't even matter to me. I know the truth, and thats whats really important. So keep hating and writing mean things and sending me nasty messages and I will keep on refusing to acknowledge you. Because the more you doubt that I'm real, the faker you seem to me.

The move and a very interesting Dr's apt

Hey ya'll so I'm pretty much all moved in to my new place. I just flew back to TN and am staying here until tomarrow to finish up some stuff with school and everything. But I thought I'd share with you a very interesting doctors apt I had the other day. So I found a new Dr around where I was moving to and had to go in for a physical and to establish myself as a patient. So she got my height (still 5'1...haven't grown) and my weight (199.2) and then stared at me all confused for a second. I asked her what the problem was and she informed me that I look MUCH smaller than the scale indicated. I had on a fairly baggy sweatshirt so I told her that most of my fat is stored in my stomach. She was still doubtful so she weighed me on another scale and found the same results. I then went into the exam room with her and took off my sweatshirt so she could see just how fat I really am. She was kind of shocked when she saw how big my belly is and asked to take measurments. My waist girth is 43 inches!! Thats HUGE; especially when the rest of me is fairly normal sized. She told me that a 43 inch abdominal girth is usually found in patients well over 250 pounds and that she is now concerned about a condition called "truncal obesity". I know I have elevated estrogen levels which make me store fat in that area but based on my frame size I will only continue to look more and more disproportionate with each additional pound. I've been trying to lose some weight recently (to no avail) to help alleviate the back pain I've recently developed. I've also found that I am now restricted to ONLY wearing maternity pants, as normal ones look more and more unflattering on me. So yeah, random update but just thought ya'll would find this interesting.

I've got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one

So I'm listening to that Jay-Z song right now and thought it would be an appropriate title for this post. FIRSTLY (yep not sure if thats a word) I want to take accountablity for my previous posts. I SHOULD NOT have generalized about the mods (some of them have been horrible to me but some have been quite nice) nor should I have instructed people to contact them. I was simply hurt, fed up and frusterated by the entire situation and while I stand by the message I was trying to send I do think there could have been a better way to go about it. With that in mind, I am absolutly disgusted and appalled by the comments people posted on my previous entry. Weesha_Caroid or whatever your name is: stop. You are only making yourself look bad and it's funny because all the psycho-babble bullshit you assumed about me could NOT be farther from the truth. Everyone who knows me can verify that. I can only assume those accusations you made about my "low self esteem" etc were projections of your own shortcomings because I have done NOTHING to indicate that I am the person you seem to think I am.

In other news, the move is going ehh...I'll just say it's going. I'm very stressed out at the moment because I'm trying to finish up 3 of my classes by next week so I can still graduate on time. For my other classes I'm going to do this distance-learning option they have where I communicate with the professor and TA via sykpe and submit my work through email. However for the final exam I will have to come back to Nashville to take it in person. Not thrilled about it but family comes first and my sister needs me to move to where she is. If you haven't already, check my newest youtube video if you want more of an explanation of the bullshit, my move and life in general. Thats all for now folks but I;ll post a legit entry later (ideally one that makes more sense).

I'm being kicked off FF

Because they have "reason to suspect I'm not 18 and if I don't forward them my birth certificate" (meaning disclosing my real name) they'll cancel my account. This is bullshit. They just want me off that site. If you are a true supporter of me and what I'm trying to do please contact a moderator and give them a piece of your mind. They've been giving me hell since day 1 and unless someone speaks up on my behalf don't expect to see any more of my pics or vids on there. Or anywhere for that matter.

I'm leaving FF

You can thank the moderators for that. I will post the message they sent me on here as soon as I can. Aparently there is a rule against frequent updating. I'm tired of being the target of peoples hatred. In the past week I've been told to stop posting, told I was a joke basically that guys just use to jack off to (a moderator said that), told I was a liar, accused of being a boy and told I was too ugly to ever be a model. I joined FF because I have a thyroid condition that made me gain weight and was very self-conscious. My ex thought that FF would help make me feel better about myself. And it did, for a while. But now everyday theres something or someone on there that makes me feel like crap. So I'm leaving FF unless I get an appology from the mods. Which is unlikely. I was warned about how the moderators/fellow members run girls off the site by making them feel like shit. I just expected better from a site that preaches self-acceptance. Thank you all for your support and I'm sorry things turned out this way.

Much love now and forever,
Tracy xo

don't click the pop up ads

So the other day I was working on my paper (thats a lie...I was playing Solitare) when out of nowhere this thing popped up saying I had 14 days to renew my virus protection. Since I wasn't even using any programs that connect to the internet (my browser, etc was closed) my stupid ass clicked it thinking it was legitimate. It was not. Luckily my next door neighbor is an IT specialist and fixed it for me but the moral of the story is don't click the damn pop up ads. No matter what. Especially the ones for porn sites. My older  brother has broken 2 computers that way. Yeah this is probably a useless blog entry because I assume ya'll are a hell of a lot smarter than me (or at least more technologically literate) but I figured I would issue this as sort of a Public Service Announcement.

Hah, and it's a damn good thing I wasn't working on my paper...that thing would've been erased. See procrastinating has it's perks; I take that as a sign from God Himself.

Why am I so awkward?

My neighbor just informed me today that I need to close the blinds in my condo because apparently she can see me walking around naked. I had no idea what to say to that. I just apologized and then pretended to hear my cell phone ringing. The thing is, it's not like I just modified my changing clothes routine (and by routine I mean I get naked and then put on clothes, very simple) so why the hell hasnt't someone else told me this like years ago when I first moved in? Jesus, I was embarrassed but a little pissed off (this woman is a complete bitch) so I made a point to change right in front of the window that faces her place today. If she complains again I'm going to make a sign that says "bite me" and hold it up while I'm prancing around the room completely naked.

Work sucks. I'm basically the legal systems bitch as an intern. I do all the shit work that no one else wants to do. My boss called me at 5 am the other morning to inform me that I needed to pick up one of the witnesses that they are flying in for this trial. Thing is, I had to be at the airport at 7 am so I literally jumped in the shower and ran out the door. I was still buttoning my shirt as I was walking to my car. I shouldn't complain though; they do pay for my school and condo after all. But in return I owe them my soul.

One of my old professors from Harvard Law is going to be in town soon and I'm excited to see him. He was kind of like my mentor when I went there. He was also the one who encouraged me to transfer, noting my tendency to think outside the box. Anyways, hope everyone is having a wonderful Wednesday and talk to you all soon :)

My weekend & Aussie boy phase

Wow. Awful title but my creativity died after I finished my trillionth paper on corporate taxation litigation.

So first, my weekend: I went to visit my sister and look for apartments with her. It was fun but incredibly stressful, as I HATE the process of moving. Plus the law firm I work for pays for my current condo so I've been incredibly spoiled in terms of living arrangements. It looks like I'm going to have to give up having a hottub on my back deck for the time being. *sigh* Anyways, Saturday night we went to Red Lobster for dinner. Those stupid commericials for endless shrimp seriously contain some subliminal messaging because it's all we could think about all day. So, as I said in my video, I took the "endless" part literally and ate an entire small colony of shrimp. The waitress was quite impressed. If you have stock in Red Lobster I apologize because I'm fairly certain I ate them out of buisiness. Friday I had two interviews at law firms down there, the first of which was exactly an hour after my plane landed. So needless to say, it was a pretty stressful day. The first one went really well I think and I got a job offer on the spot but the second one I kind of bombed because I was all flustered from running around all day and forgot the name of the law firm I worked for in NJ. Oops. Oh, and I forgot my resume. So I don't have high hopes for getting that job.

So I'm going through an Aussie boy phase. I blame Dr. Chase on House (if you don't know who he is google him and brace yourself for a mini-orgasm). Although I've always been fascinated with Australia. Last year I went through an Irish boy phase after seeing Boondock Saints 2 (quite possibly one of the greatest movies ever created). I guess I'm fairly impressionable.   But then I started dating Dillon and met his grandmother who is Irish and ALL the sex-appeal went out the window. But yeah, if you are Australian (guy or girl) and want to make me fall in love with you send me a video of you talking (tranderson8855@gmail.com).

Oh and also, I got into a very heated political discussion with the man sitting next to me on the airplane. In a way he started it by reading the New Yorker in front of me and muttering "stupid republicans and their guns." Yeah. I'm no good at keeping my mouth shut and happen to be a "stupid republican" so I asked him why he felt that way. We got into a long debate about gun control (I believe in this saying- "if we outlaw guns than only outlaws would have guns"). I mean, we outlawed drugs and how well did that work for good ol' America? Not well.

I don't want to turn this into a political rant about my views because I am sooo not articulate at the moment (law school fries your brain) and have very little idea what the heck I am even talking about.

Thanks for reading, love you all!!

1019

So I have 1019 subs on youtube. This is quite a shock. I cannot imagine there being 10 people, let alone a thousand, who want to see me ramble on while showing my growing curves. But I guess I'm wrong. So thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the support you have given me throughout this gain. It really does mean the world to me. Expect a very interesting new youtube vid up later today.

Much love,
Tracy xo

I met my first real life FA!

So this past weekend I went out with my girlfriends to this bar (I was forced totally against my will lol) and since I wasn't planning to go out I just wore what I had on that day. Tight jeans and a white tank top. I didn't know that this particular tank top was more or less completely see through because the lighting in my condo is crap. I figured this out when I was looking at the pics my friends took from that night. ANYWAYS, I was lookin rather fat. I was really self-conscious and standing there with my arms folded across my belly when this man (who happened to be really, really hot) comes up to me and was like "hey why are you hiding your beautiful body?". I didn't know what to say so I just muttered some awkward shit and went outside to have a cigarette (I know, smoking kills, I'm trying to quit). Less than a minute later he comes outside and starts talking to me. Turns out he LIKES bigger women. Wow. This came as quite a shocker to me, as I thought FA's existed only on the internet. I don't know how that makes any sense but it does in my mind.

So this fine gentleman gave me his number and I intend to probably not call him because I'm moving and am far too busy to get involved with someone right now. Plus he was way too "metro" for me (if you don't know what that means just imagine a guy who spends just as much, or more, time getting ready than the average girl).

The moral of the story is that if I try to hide my body, I'll miss out on those who genuinely appreciate it. So who want to go streaking?!

Hah, kidding. Sort of.

CRAZY people

People are nuts. I should've realized this a long time ago but I'm a slow learner I guess. So yesterday I was at the grocery store and this lady (who had 3 kids with her) was screaming at the mentally handicapped guy who was bagging her groceries. Apparently throwing a fit is the appropriate way to react when someone puts a frozen item in with a non-frozen item. Jesus. I felt bad for the bagger who was nearly in tears so I walked up to the lady and was like "you know what, you need to cool it. What kind of example are you setting for your kids?". Yep. Me and my big mouth. She flipped out at me saying things I'm not even going to repeat on account of wanting to keep this blog fairly PG-13. But ya'll can use your imagination....

Oh, and still gettin marriage proposals. One guy in France wrote me a letter asking me what my address is so he could send me a proper greeting requesting my hand in marriage. Seriously people? Does this stuff ever work? Like I have to imagine that there are a couple people who when proposed to via the very intimate youtube network say"why of course...it's always been my dream to marry a complete stranger who I know only as one of my many online stalkers." If not, why would people keep trying?

I finished 2 of the papers I've been working on so I'm pretty psyched about that. So that means house-hunting this weekend!! I'm excited to see my sister but I HATE the process of moving. It's so stressful. Plus I own WAY to much crap. I don't know how I accumulated so much useless stuff in the 3 years I've lived in TN but it's absolutely absurd. I donated all of the clothes that no longer fit me to charity, so at least it's going to a good cause. I know this post is boring and random but I have a super-huge headache so I can't think straight. Nap time for me until class :)

A winning week

So thus far this week I have run into a door that I thought was automatic, fell up the stairs at school, drove the wrong way on a one way street (didn't get a ticket thank the lord), and accidentally sent a text to my father that was DEFINITELY not meant for him to see. So essentially the moral of this story is that I'm an incredibly awkward person. Go figure. Oh, also I was texting my friend the other day and ran straight into a parked car. I was walking, not driving obviously. I just kind of looked around and was like no one saw that (even though they all did and were looking at me like that girl is either on crack or retarded). I'm neither, just a spaz.


In other news I'm moving! I'm not saying where just yet because I don't quite know at the moment but it's a happenin'. I'm going down to look at houses next week.

I don't know if ya'll have noticed but I spell (and write) at a 3rd grade level. I have an incredibly unhealthy love-hate relationship with spell check. Love it because it allows me to pretend I'm literate and hate it because it is a constant reminder of my stupidity.I'm very smart in many ways but spelling is not one of them. So anyways I had to write a HANDWRITTEN essay for one of my classes as a test (I know, who writes things by hand anymore? Thats soooo last century). I just got it back the other day with this comment on it:

"Your literary skills are astounding for someone who spelled nearly 40 percent of the words wrong. People like you are why paralegals have a job"

Soooo, if your a paralegal, your welcome.

I think I'm officially kicked out of the cool kids club. I win.

The fat girl waddle and the belly mystery solved

Soooo, I left out something interesting from my aunts visit. Apparently, according to her I have developed what she termed the "fat girl waddle". I thought I was far from the size where my walking would be affected but then I took a video of myself walking around and while I would not call it a waddle necessarily, I definatly do walk differently than I used to. I think it's because of the roll of fat on my sides that presses together with each step. Plus my thighs rub together quite a bit now.

In other news, yesterday I figured out why my belly has grown at such a disproportional rate to the rest of my body. My doctor took a blood sample and determined that I have elevated levels of estrogen (probably caused by the thyroid condition). Estrogen contributes to belly fat and so there, mystery solved.

I knew there had to be an explanation ;)
Hope you all are having a terrific Thursday!! xo Tracy

5 random facts

By request I am doing a "5 random facts" blog for ya'll who want to learn more about me:

1. I have a twin brother
2. I am 1/4 Native American. My grandfather was one of the last remaining Catawba chiefs.
3. I come from a military family and as a result have lived in 6 different states (7 if you count NJ)
4. I got a near perfect score on the LSAT's. No idea how.
5. When I was younger we had a pet monkey. We had to give it away when they changed the law :(

So there ya go. Some random tid-bits about yours truly. 

interesting experience- true story

So a few days ago I had lunch with my aunt who lives about an hour away. I hadn't seen her since probably April or March, or since I was skinny. I love my aunt very much but she is a fairly judgmental person. Or more so she just has a tendency to VOICE her judgments, especially in regards to appearance. I met her at the restaurant and she took one look at me and goes "Good lord Tracy, what have you done to yourself." She said that my mom (her sister) had told her I'd gained weight but she didn't expect me to be "THAT fat" as she put it. It made me self-conscious but also strangely rebellious and proud. See I come from a typical well-off traditional southern family and appearance is huge. I was always taught that a lady is supposed to have a thin figure and that men were disgusted by fatness. After lunch we went shopping, and the first place we went to was a store that used to be my favorite. They carry primarily designer, high-end brands and I hadn't been in there since getting back from NJ. I have been growing so fast that I go through clothes at a rate that makes me reluctant to spend a large amount of money on something I probably won't be able to wear in a few weeks.

One thing about designer clothes is they run in "vanity sizes". This means that a regular size 6 is probably a size 8 with these labels. So anyways, we were browsing and my aunt found a button up cardigan that she thought would be "perfect" for me to wear to work. I personally didn't love it but tried it on anyways because I know how stubborn my aunt is and that sometimes you just have to suck it up and do what she says to appease her. I was wearing a sundress so she grabbed a camisole and a pair of pants for me to try on with it. They were size 12. I knew they wouldn't fit but was too embarrassed to tell her because the salespeople were standing there chatting with her. I went into the dressing room and tried on the cardigan (size "XL"- which is really more of a Large in normal size clothes). It didn't button over my belly and I didnt want to stretch it out. The pants didn't fit over my thighs which suprised me because usually a size 10 or 12 fits everywhere but the belly.

My aunt knocked on the door and asked if she could come in to see it. I told her the pants didn't fit and could I request a size up. She brought them for me and they wouldn't button. I asked for a size up in the cardigan, thinking it was a Large and when she goes to ask, I hear the salesgirl say "Umm, we don't carry bigger sizes. Sorry." My aunt comes back and insists on coming into the dressing room to verify for herself that they do not indeed fit (she was also in denial, much like myself). I had finally gotten the pants buttoned and was standing there with the cardigan not buttoned and my fat belly spilling over at least 3 inches over the waistband and my love handles and back fat barely covered by the camisole/tank top. I had my arms folded, trying to hide my midrift but she insisted I button the cardigan. When I tried she just stood there and gasped as she stared at the roll of fat poking out from underneath the cami.

So we left, both equally embarrassed by the whole ordeal. The best part was she called my mom while I was changing back into my clothes and I could hear her saying "I'm really worried about Tracy. You said she was a little chubby but she looks more like obese to me. Her belly HANGS for gods sake."

So long story short, she made me come with her to a consultation she set up for the next day (Friday) at Jenny Craig. I found out I need to lose about 70 pounds. Good to know. So yea, interesting experience. Just thought I'd share it with ya'll

I'm backkk

Hello to all my followers. I'm not sure why ya'll follow me but thanks anyways :) So I'm in kind of a wierd mood at the moment; I blame the 2 "double down" sandwiches from KFC and then the x-large milkshake. Oh, that and the 3 Red Bulls. Yeah, the commercial says Red Bull gives you wings, personally I think it gives you
a slight bought of mental incompetency. ANYWAYS, I'm almost 200 (woohoo!!) So thats terrific news for all ya'll FA's. I went back to NJ last week for the ethics review board and it went better than I had expected. Also, due to a family emergency I MAY be moving to the CT/NY area, so I will keep you posted on that. In other news, I got an offer to join Stuffer31....yeah, I did the modeling thing back when I was skinny and I'm pretty much done with it. Also I find it slightly pretentious (no offense to ANYONE)  to charge money to see my pics/vids. I just don't think I'm hot shit yet haha. I'm having issues with my new computer, mainly in regards to the self-timer function on the webcam. So bear with me until I get it sorted out; my pictures are going to be seriously awkward but hey, thats how I roll. Ya'll might have noticed I dyed my hair...I'm back to being blonde. Yayyy. I think it suits me much better; even as a brunette I was always a "dumb" blonde (whose also incredibly smart in her own unique way). So ta ta for now and thanks for reading :)

Love, Tracy xo

First Blog

Hi ya'll, and welcome to my blog!! I have had several requests to do a blog documenting my gain and just my life in general. Since my schedule doesn't always allow me to make video or picture updates, I figured I would create a blog so ya'll could follow my progress and learn a little more about me. If you haven't already seen, I have a youtube channel
http://www.youtube.com/user/tranderson8855?feature=mhum

and have an account on fantasy feeder (username- TracyAnderson). I'm 25 years old, live in Nashville, TN and am in my last semester of law school at Vanderbilt. Well thats all for now folks but I will post more later today when I actually have something of value to report (assuming I do, of course). Thanks for the support and talk to you guys soon!! xoxo Tracy